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3 cruises that don't suck

Published May 9th, 2014

You’ve most likely heard the one about cruises being only for the newlywed, overfed and nearly dead, and really, being trapped at sea with loved-up couples, buffet-bloated families and crusty old timers is probably enough to give anyone cabin fever.  Cruise lines know this and are increasingly undergoing makeovers to appeal to a younger generation. Cue eye roll. Some party boats have ice rinks, full basketball courts, ziplines and even water parks onboard.

 

Meet the neighbours...not

 

But we’ve found some cruises that’ll really float your boat. No, really. How about a music festival cruise with a 4-day party at sea featuring your fave DJs and bands with much nicer toilets, plus plenty of opportunity to mingle with the talent? That stuff-yourself-silly food and bevvy buffet and all-inclusive accommodation and activities is looking pretty sweet right about now, eh? Toss in some idyllic island locations and we’re sold!  Here’s 3 cruises that don’t suck and we can really get onboard with. Altogether now – “I’m on a boat!”.

 

Woohoo, I'm on a boat!

 

What: All Gone to Sea
When: November 6 – 10, 2014
Where: Miami, Florida to Grand Turk, Turks & Caicos
The lowdown: A 4-day cruise on Carnival Victory to the Caribbean presented by legendary UK DJ Pete Tong and ably supported by first mates Calvin Harris, Steve Angello, R3HAB and Aussie DJ twins Nervo with more acts to be announced. Onboard parties will be going down on six shipshape venues plus one private beach party in Grand Turk and onboard activities with the EDM DJs.
Dress code: Sleek styles and bodycon.
The vibe: Hands-in-the-air house party.

 

What: The Weezer Cruise
When: February 12-16, 2015 (TBC)
Where: Miami, Florida to Nasssau, Bahamas
The lowdown: The inaugural Weezer Cruise set sail in 2012 with a who’s who of ‘90s lo-fi indie rock: Dinosaur Jr, Sebadoh and Weezer, of course. The Weezer Cruise 2014 on Carnival Fascination had the likes of Cat Power, Ash and Palma Violets with theme nights (superheros and metal!), Q&A sessions, a private island beach party, and cool onboard activities with the bands and fans.
Dress code: Faded band tee, sailor hat and pumped-up kicks.
The vibe: Dream of the Nineties.

 

What: Holy Ship!
When: January 3-6 and February 18-21, 2015
Where: Miami, Florida to private islands in the Bahamas
The lowdown: All aboard the floating dance music festival where the party don’t stop. Holy Ship! returns in 2015 on a brand-new boat, MSC Divina, and double the debauchery with two sailings. Holy Ship!!! in 2014 had 30 artists including headliners Tiesto, Duck Sauce, Diplo, Laidback Luke, Zedd, Disclosure, Flume, Skrillex and special guest Pharrell Williams plus 4,000 up-for-it revellers.
Dress code: Fluoro bikinis, fluoro shorts, fluoro everything.
The vibe: Down and dirty on the dancefloor.

 

Special mention:

What: Get Lost with NKOTB
When: June 5-9, 2014
Where: New York City to Bermuda
The lowdown: If you don’t know who NKOTB is, this probably isn’t the cruise for you. If you are a New Kids on the Block fan – sorry, this cruise on Carnival Splendor is actually sold out! This now annual event has a huge following where fans get to press the flesh with surprise events! Surprise cabin visits! Daily and nightly themed deck parties! (Exclamation marks come free with promo!)
If you’re not choosy about your teen idols, maybe you can get onboard with the Anchors Deep BSB Cruise instead (what is it with boy bands and acronyms anyway?). The Backstreet Boys Cruise on Carnival Ecstasy (October 24-27, 2014) departs Miami for Half Moon Cay in the Bahamas where your inner fangirl can take part in a 4-day floating pyjama party of trivia comps, door decoration contests, onstage games, themed parties and photo ops. “I want it that waaaaay...”

 

Cassandra Laffey

Consumed with unrequited wanderlust, I get my fix in 24/7 cities and hippie retreats. I'm still looking for the ultimate combo of secluded beach and major metropolis, and my happy place is a 5-star hotel room all to myself - sigh.